Drugs Essay -- essays research papers

I was powerless over drinking and using...Imagine a cold, unheated flatcar in the middle of Hollywood. A bachelor sized apartment. No pictures temporary removal on the w only, a mattress in the middle of the floor, a hard rear folding chair stickting in the middle of the room, a a few(prenominal) kitchen utensils and some old pots and pans laid on and around the kitchen stove with no place to go. You could hear the traffic zooming by on Franklin Avenue. When you opened the adit with your key, you could see cockroaches running active on the walls and the floors. It felt was cold and smelled awful. The eldest time I was visited by my then boyfriend, I watched him shoot cocaine, and unplowed a careful eye on where all the cockroaches were headed. It wasnt abundant out front I allowed him to shoot me up also. It happened in that apartment, the place two sick, scummy addicts, my boyfriend and I, called home. This is the place I remember when I think about taking another drink once again. By gods grace, I will neer run through to go back there again. Thirteen years later, I am still so grateful for my sobriety and abstinence from all take care-altering drugs. Id like to tell a bit of my story and a bit of my recovery. The feeling I got after cocaine went through my veins, into my disposition was like nothing Id ever felt before. It was sure ecstasy. My body convulsed as the drug took its effect. Time was no longer a part of my world. Who tell aparts how long we spent in that awful apartment. I hallucinated and felt things touch me that werent literal clear to the naked eye. I was truly in another world, an evil, sombre world. He always provided the drugs and alcohol. When the drug would start to wear off, panic would localize in. I remember wishing I had a gun to annihilate myself. The pain that set in when my body began to crave to a greater extent was again like no other feeling Ive ever experienced, or hope to experience again. I couldnt sl eep, I felt extremely hopeless, my body couldnt sit still and my mind would not stop racing. It was absolute hell. Thank God there wasnt a loaded gun around. This is what it was like. I was prey to harm and depression, did not have any real friends, and most of all I hated myself. I knew I could not take any more cocaine. If I did, I wouldnt be writing to you today. However, this is a disease that affects the body, mind and spirit. My mind was gone. If I was offered cocaine, I could not turn it down. I mi... ... me if I ever injected into my neck veins. I thought-Ill stop before it gets that bad. Later on in my addiction I collapsed veins in both sides of my neck. I verbalize I would NEVER sell my body, but Sept. of 1997 I started doing just that. piece of music in my current course, I made the difficult decision to have the family that adopted my first child adopt Amanda as well. I fill in it was the right choice. I have held the same job at a dog grooming shop for a year, an d will graduate this program this year. I am saving my money to get a car. I have found some self esteem and forgiveness of myself. I like myself for the first time since early childhood. Next Fall I plan to go to college to get certification to be a way Abuse Counselor, or go to school to learn computer living or computer graphics. I havent decided yet. I just know that I want to help other addicts. I attend 12-Step meetings, and elapse most weekends with my parents or birth mother. I have learned a sense of responsibility and have learned to take care of myself. I still have hard times, but they are a luxury compared to my problems I faced while on drugs. Just having a niminy-piminy safe clean bed at night makes me grateful